


Merrill But Not Hawke's Merrill

by ThatNerdyCat15



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Mages and Templars, Rite of Tranquility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3539054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatNerdyCat15/pseuds/ThatNerdyCat15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arcadia Hawke receives bad news about her love, Merrill, while at Skyhold. She doesn't take it well. (I'm sorry)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merrill But Not Hawke's Merrill

“Hawke, there’s something I have to tell you.” Varric sighed, gesturing to the chair he usually sat in. Arcadia Hawke started to joke about how being serious didn’t suit him, but when he moved closer to the fire she could see that he was very pale and that there were tear trails on his cheeks. She swallowed nervously and sat in the chair.

“I got a letter from your brother.” Varric started. Hawke sighed.

“Did he get kicked out of the order or something? Shocking.” She said sarcastically, though she knew she was wrong. Varric wouldn’t be such a mess if that was the case.

“I wish, Hawke. But it was about-” He choked up for a moment, clearing his throat before continuing, “It was about Merrill.”

“Where’s the letter?” Hawke’s tone was loud and obviously worried. It was too assertive for the sarcastic mage. Varric shook his head, eyes wide.

“It’s best if I-”

“No, Varric, give me the letter!” She growled, standing up from the chair. Varric held his hands up in mock surrender before pulling a folded piece of parchment out of his pocket. He looked at it sadly before handing it to Cadi.

“You might want to sit down, Hawke.” He urged. The stern look in his eyes, the look that said Trust me, it’d be better that way, was enough to make the mage calmly sit back down. She unfolded the letter, hands shaking, and began to read it aloud.

“Dear Sister,

The worst thing has happened. And before you get any ideas, I had no part in it. In fact, if Aveline wasn’t guard captain, I’d be in prison. Anyway, something bad has happened to Merrill. Something awful. Some of the remaining templars in Kirkwall kidnapped her yesterday and… Well, we got her back though! But she wasn’t the same. 

They made her tranquil, sister. Merrill is tranquil.

I’m so sorry,

Carver.” 

Varric reached out to put his hand on Hawke’s shoulder to comfort her, but the frozen mage lashed out, knocking it away. She buried her head in her hands.

“Don’t touch me!” She roared, as sobs began to tear from her throat and shake her body. Her love was gone, but she wasn’t gone. She was still alive, if only in body. But Merrill wouldn’t remember her. Not her feelings for her, anyway. She’d be so different. She wouldn’t be Hawke’s Merrill anymore. Merrill wouldn’t ever love her again. Merrill would never speak to her in that bubbly happy tone again. She’d never laugh at Hawke’s sarcasm, never enjoy playing cards with Isabela, never cry for her clan at night and crawl into Hawke’s arms. She would never be the same.

A howl of pure sorrow tore itself from Hawke’s lips as she cried, all of those awful realizations of what Merrill would never do again, never feel again, pouring into her head. 

“I wish the Inquisitor had left me in the fade! Then I’d never know what had happened to Merrill! Then I’d never have to face it!” Hawke wailed. She stood up from the chair, her legs barely supporting her, and tried to stumble to the door. She fell, and suddenly everything went black.

**********

Arcadia Hawke woke up with Varric shaking her, calling her name. She bolted upright, tears still streaming down her face. Frantically, she looked around. She was on the floor beside her bed in Skyhold. The sheets were tangled around her legs.

“Merrill!” She choked out, not finding her voice to say anything other than her name. Varric looked confused.

“Hawke, Merrill is fine, remember? She sent a letter saying she was on her way here a few days ago? What’s wrong?” He asked. Hawke stopped moving, almost stopped breathing.

“It was just a dream?” She whispered. Varric nodded.

“It was just a bad dream, Hawke. Whatever it was, it didn’t happen.” He assured her. Cadi threw her arms around the dwarf sobbing again, only this time in relief.

“Oh, thank the Maker, she’s alright! She’s not tranquil…” Hawke said to herself. Varric just rubbed her back until she stopped crying. He didn’t really understand what had happened in Hake’s nightmare, but he was glad it had only been a bad dream. IF she was reacting this badly, surely it would’ve been terrible.  
“It’s all okay Hawke, Merrill is safe.”


End file.
